What do I do?

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What do I do?

Postby Sarah » Sun Aug 27, 2006 10:12 pm

One of my good friends was unable to return to school this year because she got pregnant. She was stressed out about this, of course, but I also know that she was excited. Yesterday she called me and told me that, 10 min. previous, her baby died. (she delivered him at only 5 months) I did not know what to say. I feel like a horrible friend, but I really don't know what to say. One of the main reasons for this was because she had absolutely no hint of sadness, or any sort of emotion in her voice... she could have just as easily told me "My apple is red." She has gone through an awful lot in a very short period of time, and I really want to be there for her. How should I approach her?
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Postby mdkilmer » Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:14 am

I'm assuming that she lives somewhere nearby your college, right?

Call her and ask her to meet you for dinner somewhere casual. Then, if she wants to talk, she's got a friendly ear right in front of her. If she doesn't want to talk about it, she won't.
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Postby Yogi » Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:53 am

Meet with her. Probably somewhere that you can talk if she cares to. Then give her a big hug. The rest will come naturally.
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Postby Makinamess » Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:12 am

She sounds like she was still in shock when you spoke to her, poor lassie. As the others have said, just meet her, give her a big cuddle and let her do any talking she needs to do. She won't be looking for answers from anyone right now, I guess she'll just be trying to come to terms with what has happened. Expect denial, anger, grief, (not necessarily in that order) acceptance and finally moving on over the coming weeks and months.
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Postby m246 » Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:35 am

rather than go out for dinner ( she might be worried about getting upset in public ) why not just call into her house with some chocolates ( not flowers ) and give her a big cuddle and tell her you are there for her , and then it will be her choice if she wants to speak about it or not .
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Postby Sarah » Mon Aug 28, 2006 2:49 pm

That's what I want to do, I want to go visit her, but it is nearly impossible... she lives at least 4 hours away and I have no transportation. But thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
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Postby Makinamess » Mon Aug 28, 2006 2:56 pm

Sorry Sarah, I don't think any of us realised you were such a physical distance apart. Why not give her a phone call, just to ask how she is and take it from there. Even a two minute call can mean a lot to someone who is suffering.
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Postby pilvikki » Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:13 pm

when you say "she didn't have any feeling in her voice", it most likely means that her hormones are doing a few flips and leaving her emotionally flat-lined. call and say you're sorry and ask if there is anything you can do.

watch for signs of depression, which may surface sooner of later.

poor kid.
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