Baby for a mate.

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Baby for a mate.

Postby Sandra » Sat Jul 14, 2007 2:58 am

If your friends were in a situation that they for some reason or other they couldn't have their own child would you offer to help them out?

Infertility refers to the inability of a couple of child-bearing age to conceive a child after one year of regular sexual activity without contraceptive use. Infertility is very common, affecting millions of people Treatment is available, but it can be quite costly and physically and emotionally challenging, many couples facing the challenge of infertility are also facing the extreme cost of treatment for it. Both men and women are about equally affected by infertility. The diagnosis and treatment of infertility in women is much more complex than for men.

Could you have a baby for a mate. How do you think it would affect your friendship? Could your relationship survive?
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Postby meadow » Sat Jul 14, 2007 8:30 am

taking in someone's children? with the exception of my sister and my very best friend, the answer is NO. i don't want children at all. i would never have a baby for someone because i feel that's against Nature. i feel that if you can't have a baby there is a Karmic reason behind it and you need to accept it. not to mention there are so many kids that don't have homes and if you want a kid so bad why not adopt?

but i wouldn't do any sort of thing for that. i just think it's wrong to spend all that money on something like that.
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Postby Sandra » Sat Jul 14, 2007 2:34 pm

meadow wrote:but i wouldn't do any sort of thing for that. i just think it's wrong to spend all that money on something like that.


I would certainly do it and would not take any money for it, my friendship means I would do anything in my power to help them out and I think it would strengthen our friendship. Maybe my views are different because I am a mother and a childminder, makes me see things differently, what people are missing out on. But if any of my friends need this particular favour, they need to hurry up as I ain't getting any younger lol :biggrin:
Last edited by Sandra on Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby meadow » Sat Jul 14, 2007 3:50 pm

i meant more people who spend the money on the IVF and fertility treatments in the first place. i've spent the last 25 years off and on watching kids in some capacity so i know that i would never even want to go there.
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Postby Sandra » Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:16 pm

meadow wrote:i've spent the last 25 years off and on watching kids in some capacity so i know that i would never even want to go there.


kids are great, there's nothing better than parenthood :D
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Postby meadow » Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:24 pm

i'll respectfully agree to absolutely disagree on that point. i think motherhood is the most overrated thing a woman can choose in life. but that's my opinion and that's my choice.
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Postby Sandra » Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:26 pm

meadow wrote:but that's my opinion and that's my choice.


and that is what I love about you meadow lol....you won't know what it feels like to be a parent unless you are a parent, it's so different from being a childminder an aunt or uncle, it's just so special, but as you say everyone to their own choice :D
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Postby meadow » Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:54 pm

Sandra: i don't agree. what about parents who adopt? are you then saying that they don't feel it like someone actually giving birth?

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Re: Baby for a mate.

Postby ohlia » Sat Jul 14, 2007 5:05 pm

Sandra wrote:If your friends were in a situation that they for some reason or other they couldn't have their own child would you offer to help them out?Could you have a baby for a mate. How do you think it would affect your friendship? Could your relationship survive?

Nothing is to much to give or do for a person who I consider to be my friend. Yes, I would do it but it would have to be through in vitro fertilization. The type of person I am, this would never affect our/the friendship; as a matter we may become closer.
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Postby forumadmin » Sat Jul 14, 2007 6:03 pm

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Several posts were deleted because they violated the site's Code of Conduct and the special guidelines for debate in this forum. Personal attacks do not contribute to the topic being discussed.
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Postby solana » Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:13 am

1. would I have had a child for a friend who could not?

nope... I could never hand over a child I carried.. that would not
work for me.

( note and clarification... I admire women who do so either to help a childless couple
or when they give up a child for adoption... I am saying that I could not )

2. Taking in a child for a friend? To be honest... I can answer this one with a solid maybe.....
it would depend on my circumstances, my own children and the child or children that
needed to be taken in. My own would always come first.

3. Adoptive or birth... a parent is a parent is a parent.. no difference..
it is the raising of the child.... I had four.. I gave them so much of myself
I am not sure that I would have had any more to give. If someone asked me now to take in their child?
Again.. it would depend on the child, and my own circumstances...again.. maybe..

4. I admire people who adopt, or foster children more than I can say.
I know someone who adopted twins and after abut ten months the mom wanted them back...
and got them back! heartbreaking....I also know someone who fostered a girl and tried to adopt her..
loved her so much! After years in her care..... adoption always having been denied as the parent did not want to give up rights.
she was still an addict when she got the girl back...... a teenager by then..

my friend took in a 17 year old girl recently....... amazing of her, I think , under the circumstances...
it is very difficult for the entire family, but they are working very hard to help this girl .
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Postby meadow » Sun Jul 15, 2007 9:02 am

honey, you ain't special. my crap gets deleted and you don't see me whining like a big ol' baby. keep it to the PMs then! :lmao1:
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Postby Sandra » Sun Jul 15, 2007 12:07 pm

meadow wrote:Sandra: i don't agree. what about parents who adopt? are you then saying that they don't feel it like someone actually giving birth?


I honestly don't think you can have the same bond with an adopted child as you can with your own child. When you carry and nurture a baby growing inside you, you develop different emotions that you cant have when you adopt a child.
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Postby solana » Sun Jul 15, 2007 1:04 pm

I honestly don't think you can have the same bond with an adopted child as you can with your own child. When you carry and nurture a baby growing inside you, you develop different emotions that you cant have when you adopt a child



I don't know about that.... and I do mean.. I don't know.. perhaps the only one who can answer that is someone who has both a biological child and an adopted one?
Or even then, it may be a very individual thing...?

I believe that is one of those things we can never actually say definitively
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Postby meadow » Sun Jul 15, 2007 3:42 pm

Sandra: sorry but i totally and absolutely 100% disagree wholeheartedly!!! there are MILLIONS of unloved, unwanted, sad little kids who were given up with no second thought all over the world. so much for that bond you speak of...because if you say that you have a more special bond from only the fact of giving birth yourself....then what about all those women who just give up their own flesh? yes, drugs are part of it...but for many there are women who just don't care!

if you care, you care. biology doesn't really matter as much as emotion in the end. there are millions of children that would be nowhere in life without the love of their adopted parents. i wonder what sort of impact that would have on society?
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Postby Valleysailor » Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:11 am

After I gave birth to my son 34 years ago, I thought I enjoyed being pregnant so much that I wanted to serve as a surrogate mother for childless couples. I would have likely stayed pregnant for the next how ever many years, if I thought I could have parted with the child once born. Like Sandra, I don't think I could give up a child I had given birth to.
I have to agree with meadow on the thought that giving birth is not the be-all, end-all that many make it out to be. Don't get me wrong - I love my son more than anything on earth, and have never regretted my decision to be a mother. I'm simply saying that parenting is not for everyone and I respect the decision made by those who do not want to have children. My son recently informed me that he has decided against having children of his own and I'm perfectly fine with his decision.
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Postby Sandra » Mon Jul 16, 2007 1:57 pm

meadow wrote:Sandra: sorry but i totally and absolutely 100% disagree wholeheartedly!!!

if you care, you care. biology doesn't really matter as much as emotion in the end. there are millions of children that would be nowhere in life without the love of their adopted parents. i wonder what sort of impact that would have on society?


OKAY, this is my point of view, I'm a mother you are not, I know what it is like to carry a child for 40 weeks, you do not (yet) I know a couple of people who have adopted kids and yes they love them to bits, but 2 of them had their own kids first and say they have a special bond between their own siblings more than their adopted ones, I never asked what, you don't even notice, but they know.
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Postby meadow » Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:11 pm

we can agree to definitely disagree then! :) i don't happen to think that motherhood is that special or noteworthy in light of everything in life. i think that i'm just as awesome, valuable and great as all the mothers i know. i don't feel i'm less special because of my lack of children! i do, however, feel marginalized by the segment of society that thinks that only if you have kids can you fully understand.

no offense, but i don't believe that. it's like when people say you can't understand what it's like to lose a parent until you have.

but that is my opinion and i stick to it. but you are entitled to think however you wish but there are a lot of us ChildFree out there who get a little sick and tired of being made to feel like we are somehow missing out on some big feeling only for the simple fact of not procreating.
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Postby Sarah » Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:09 am

If a friend of mine needed help having a child, I would want nothing more than to help... but I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if I'm strong enough to give up a baby that has been growing inside me... maybe.
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Postby Silke » Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:34 pm

I don´t think I could do it, because I´m not sure I would be able to give it up at the end. I might though...

I don´t really think it is a diffrence between adopted or biological child; unless you want it to be. It is really about love, and too many biological parents can´t give it. Remember you choose the adopted one. This I know from my own life: I have an adopted brother and my mother loves us all and I love him as my biological siblings, eventhough we were quite old when we took him in and he is older than me.

As to the you can´t know how it is to loose a parent before you have. You can´t. Not even after. Why? every one has a diffrent relationship with their parents, and so much depend on that! And the age of when you loose them and the way. There is no fasit, as there is none when it comes to children. Why? because no two people is the same; no two experience things the same way.
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