no to being a parent

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no to being a parent

Postby sooz » Thu May 24, 2007 3:15 am

People say your life is not complete until you have a family, but I don't want any kids, am I being selfish to the human race, (and my parents) not keeping the population ticking over, is it a crime to not want kids?
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Postby meadow » Thu May 24, 2007 5:42 am

welcome to the club! conga-rats! don't EVER let "society" make you feel shitty for making a responsible, well thought out choice. you sound young enough that if for whatever reason you might be able to have children later. but we both know that won't happen. i'm 35 and have never wanted kids. i'm happy and content in my decisions regarding children.

don't ever let someone make you feel less than or shitty because of it.
"i hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out, you selfish son of a bitch!" ~Wedding Crashers
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Postby Makinamess » Thu May 24, 2007 12:00 pm

I don't think you are being at all selfish !

1. Children should be wanted and loved, not brought into this world simply because society says it is the done thing.

2. There are plenty of children out there - we don't actually have a shortage of them !

3. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, I know I would have been a dreadful parent (I'm too fond of my own space and time), plus I certainly did not want to pass any of my rubbish genes onto another generation. (Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, like not everyone is cut out to be a doctor or a teacher or a train driver or an engineer - each to their own.)

So please don't feel guilty and certainly do not have any kids just to please other people - that sounds just so wrong to me.
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Postby sooz » Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:00 am

meadow wrote:
don't ever let someone make you feel less than or shitty because of it.


its easy said, but people do have opinions and a a habit of making me feel shitty about the whole subject
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Postby meadow » Mon Jun 18, 2007 8:56 am

then you need to find that strength from within yourself to withstand it and brush it off. yes, easily said than done. no one understands better than i do. i happen to like most of the kids i see in every day life. i love my niece and nephew. my very best friend has 3 boys that are the light of my life.

but i refuse to let some stranger, some random knob make me feel less than because of a smart, conscious choice!!!

stand up for yourself!!! be firm and make it crystal clear it's not open for discussion. certainly, everyone is entitled to opinion but they don't have to express it. just be a bitch about it and tell them to fuck off if they don't like it.

and yes, that includes nosy ass family members who feel it's their right to express their stupidity and ignorance at you.

what's the worst that could happen? they yell back? BFD. they stop talking to you? if they are so opinionated they feel you are only worthy by squeezing out a few kids maybe you are better off not speaking to them!

i'm very bitchy and firm about my feelings about being ChildFree. i don't let anyone make me feel shitty about it because in the end...you only have to answer to yourself. you have to live with your choices in the end, not them. screw 'em, i say!
"i hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out, you selfish son of a bitch!" ~Wedding Crashers
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Postby AJRC_CS » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:57 am

No, i don't think you're being selfish. Speaking as a parent i know my life wouldn't be complete without my son, but not everyone is the same. If you don't want kids then that's your choice, and you shouldn't let pressure from others make you think you have to change your choice.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years now, and her family are putting her under increasing pressure to give them some grandchildren. But in no uncertain terms i've told them to mind their own business. It's our life and i won't let their selfishness dictate if and when we have kids. We were going to try for a child at the beginning of the year, but felt it would be wise to wait until we are financially secure again after the expansion of our business.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids, i have friends who have been together for almost 10 years now, and have no intention of ever having kids. To begin with they felt under pressure from parents to start a family, but they made their families see that it was their choice not to have kids and the parents have had to understand and live with that choice.

I see people with kids that you can plainly see they didn't and don't want, always shouting and screaming at them and never showing their kids any love. I would rather people made a conscious decision such as yours to not have kids, than have kids and live to regret that choice and resent the children for it.

We should live our lives how we want, not how others want you to live it. If that's your choice to not have kids, then you stick by that choice. Remember, it's your life!
The ignorant close their mind and convince themselves that there's only one truth. The wise keep an open mind to the different possibilities leading to and stemming from the present. Look not with your eyes but with your mind.
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Postby pilvikki » Tue Jun 19, 2007 5:29 pm

the last thing a person should do is have kids Because It's Expected. sod that! are these people coming over to your house at 3 am to pace the place with junior screaming blue murder? are they going to stay up all night when the baby is sick? how about several nights in a row?

kids are no picnic and some people seem to insist that their offspring have kids as a payback "for what we had to go through". ok, not all, of course, but still, if they want kids, have at it! feel free to adopt if need be!
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Postby meadow » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:40 am

the ones i love are the ones who ask me "well, who's gonna take care of you when you are old?"

uh, you think your kids want to do that for you??? please! to have kids on the basis of "you owe me" and sense of payback?

idiocy! but i've noticed in the nearly 20 years of my ChildFree decision that people have no problem getting all up in your business regarding it. they have no problem telling you how wrong you are, how much you'll regret it and how you'll change your mind. perfect strangers! people who've said nothing more to you really than a hello feeling perfectly in rights to tell you it's your God given duty, basically, to squeeze out a few brats!

nothing pisses me off more than ignorant "moos" who are all gung-ho for everyone to just have kids, kids and more kids. i hate those women!
"i hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out, you selfish son of a bitch!" ~Wedding Crashers
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Postby haysi » Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:07 pm

sooz wrote:
meadow wrote:
don't ever let someone make you feel less than or shitty because of it.


its easy said, but people do have opinions and a a habit of making me feel shitty about the whole subject


Thats a shame. I hate how other people are so pass remarkable and do not think of your feelings. If you do not want kids then dont have kids. I think you are being really sensible and you should live your life for yourself and not to please other people.
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Postby Valleysailor » Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:58 pm

I thank my 34 year-old son every day for not making me a grandparent. Humans are not really an endangered species. I see no reason for them to keep replicating themselves. I love my son with all my heart and being, but if I were a young person today, I would make a different decision on having children. The world is a much different place than it was in 1973 and I'm just not sure it is a hospitable place for baby humans.
Good on those of you who have made a conscious decision about not having children and stick by it. It is a very personal decision and NO ONE ELSES BUSINESS!!!!!
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Postby sooz » Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:42 am

Thanks for all your great opinions :D
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Postby threenorns » Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:34 pm

i absolutely enjoy being a parent and even with all the difficulties and the parts where i hated it, i still enjoyed being pregnant. for one thing, not a lot of times in a woman's life where she's allowed - nay, encouraged! - to whinge to her heart's content.

unfortunately, both my older daughter have announced they want to remain childless. there's a glimmer of hope in that my older daughter wants to adopt a baby from china, which i think is absolutely fabulous except i would really like to see a baby with nik and her husband's genes - it would be an absolutely stunning little thing and gods know the human race could stand a little beautification.
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Postby solana » Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:25 am

People say your life is not complete until you have a family, but I don't want any kids, am I being selfish to the human race, (and my parents) not keeping the population ticking over, is it a crime to not want kids?




That is a perfect decision for you.... if that is the way you feel. I think that you have to really want to be a parent to have children,
because it is the hardest job you will ever undertake. There are sleepless nights of sitting with a sick child, There are long nights of waiting for a late teenager.
There are broken hearts, and ruptured dreams and believe me, it hurts the parent more than the children! There are things that happened to my kids that still make me feel badly when I think about them, and they have all but forgotten them! but it is hard... and it is an idividual choice.
And it is forever.

The happiest years of my life were when my kids were small... I loved it! I was very fortunate in my kids. no real problems and we are still
close ... and they are close to each other......

Despite some misunderstanding.. I have never said that someone who is not a parent is not as valuable a person as someone who is.

That is poppycock....

Each and every one of us is unique and special and has a purpose.

I have said, and I do believe that if you have not had a child, you do not understand parenting
or raising children like a parent does.

That can be said about many things, you know.. sky diving, nascar racing, dealing with a catastrophic disease...
many , many things... there are simply things that you can know a lot about.. .. but not understand unless you do it...

Don't have children... I know people who have had children who did not really want them. Their life and the childs is hell .
I lnow unwanted children. Again.. hell.

You have to be willing to give up a huge chunk of yourself and your life to raise a child. If you are not willing... it is bad all around.
It is best that you follow your heart in these matters....
It doesn't make you less than a woman who chooses to be a mother....
it only makes you different than a woman who chooses to be a mother....


My kids the most important people in my life still.... and always will be. No one that I would rather spend time with.
I have no grandchildren... not yet... maybe not ever. I always hope that my daughter has a daughter who is as wonderful to her as
she is to me... what a huge gift! But it is her choice..

She is not sure if she wants children.. but she is sure that if she decides to have a baby, that she can stay home
and raise her herself and not put her in daycare...............another one of those individual choices.
.fcv/v"
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Postby meadow » Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:22 am

b-i-n-g-o was his naaaaaaame-o!
"i hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out, you selfish son of a bitch!" ~Wedding Crashers
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Postby pilvikki » Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:54 am

it would be an absolutely stunning little thing and gods know the human race could stand a little beautification.


oh pulleeeze...

what about the other genes?
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