Flip Flop

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Stacko

Flip Flop

Post by Stacko »

Hey all -

When you're in a relationship, do you find that your feelings change pretty easily? For some reason with my current relationship there are sometimes when I'll feel really good about how things are going and other times when i'll feel like it's kind of a waste of time.

It's not like I go from being wildly in love to hating him or anything. So when I consider breaking it off it's not because I'm furious or anything, it's just that sometimes i'll look at it and think its just kind of dull and probably has no future. These changes in my feelings can take place within a day or two.

Any thoughts?

~Anastasia

pilvikki
Holier Than Thou
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Joined: Sun Dec 05, 2004 9:42 am

Post by pilvikki »

maybe that's an indication that something is off with either your relationship or your attitude towards it. are you not comfortable with him? does he say or do things that annoy you? are you distracted by other aspects in your life?

it's pretty complicated.

Stacko

Post by Stacko »

It is rather complicated (or at least it feels that way to me).

I just got done talking to one of my roomates about it, and the conclusion we came to was that while I like some of his I guess "boyfriend qualities" (like he does sweet things for me and he's cute), his actual personality drives me up the wall.

So sometime's we'll have nice, romantic moments, but really there's little substance to it because I don't like his personality. We also just don't really have much of a deep connection.

So I feel rather shitty right now because there's only 2 weeks of school left and i'm trying to wait it out and break up once we're back home (he lives in the room next to me in our dorm and we have a lot of the same classes, so it seems awkward and unecesary to break up now). Also i'm going to have to tell him "Sorry, you're a nice boyfriend, but I really just don't like you."

Ugh.

Yogi
Big Kahuna
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Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 4:29 pm
Location: near Chicago

Post by Yogi »

Be true to yourself and have no regrets. If you are doing the best you can do, then nothing else much matters.
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

pilvikki
Holier Than Thou
Posts: 5802
Joined: Sun Dec 05, 2004 9:42 am

Post by pilvikki »

good luck, and who knows, maybe he's come to the same conclusion: that you're not his type. that would simplify matters, but like yogi said, go with what feels right.

Silke
Stone Cold Crazy
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Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:13 am
Location: X-Winterland

Post by Silke »

ditto
Superstition brings bad luck.

Kanthume

Post by Kanthume »

In any relationship feeling will change and vary. Feelings depend on various brain chemicals and hormones which are released by stimulation through certain activities, so a romantic dinner might trigger feelings of affection, while a stone falling on your toe might trigger feelings of anger.

In any relationship, feelings change like this. They certainly don't remain static howerver much we desire them to stay the same. If feelings of love and affection stayed the same all the time, we might be much happier and we would probably never fight.

On the other hand, our bodies become accustomed to the chemicals that produce these feelings. It is similar to addiction. We need more and more of the same chemical to get the same feelings. But the body can only make so much and eventually the chemical doesn't work. It has been documented when things like this take place. One spot it known as the Seven Year Itch. Another spot takes place about a year after a relationship begins. At each of these spots the relationship either ends or continues. And at these spots other factors are involved.

One is attitude. This is where one choses to maintain a relationship in spite of feelings. One who makes a choice like this will find their feelings tend to come back. It is actually another chemical hormone that is working now.

But attitude isn't enough. There is also compatibility. The more two people have in common the more likely their relationship will continue in some form.

It is interesting that the feelings of attaction produced in the first year of a relationship tend to mask the realities of the situation. Partners tend to idealize their mates and ignore their imperfections. This is the romantic love of midieval literature. And after the first year, when this wears off, the couple tends to see each other as they really are. They start discovering the faults of each other, and if the faults are too great, the break apart.

Stacko, it sounds like this is the stage you are in. And if you find you cannot stand his personality, then all the romantic feelings in the world won't help in the end because those feelings do wear thin. It probably is best that you break up with him.

Damsel

Post by Damsel »

Stacko, you should listen to Kanthume...he is the expert in this department. :roll:

pilvikki
Holier Than Thou
Posts: 5802
Joined: Sun Dec 05, 2004 9:42 am

Post by pilvikki »

kanthume, i found that most intresting, but i wonder why the one year shift? i read somewhere that it's 2 years and from i've seen, it seems to hold. unless the people i know are extra slow or stubborn or needy?

ok, i can see the 1-2 yr being the time reality hits, and often enough bites, but i can't figure out the seven year itch, what possible perpose would that have served out ancestors?

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